Becoming Me: Top surgery recovery pt2!

Content Warning – FTM top surgery described

So hey, I’m now abut 9 weeks past my surgery, and after the last post where I went into the details, I thought now would be a good time to talk about the less technical stuff.

As I write, the incisions are closed up nicely. The two sections where I had problems are a bit thicker than the rest, but they’re mostly out of sight and the rest looks pretty good. Needs a bit of time to flatten out and get less red but I’m confident it’ll do that.

I saw the surgeon again a couple of weeks ago, and she’s happy too.The left is a little bigger than the right,but that may sort itself out, and if not they can suck out the excess fat. I’m back next September to take another look, at which time she’s said we can discuss anything else I want doing.

Meantime, I’m back to the gender clinic in January to followup with them.

It was a pretty cold morning, when I went back to see the surgeon. Walked out without the extra layer of warmth the post-surgical binder was providing and almost ran back inside again! Not only was it a bunch colder, there was a breeze on my stomach underneath my t-shirt. Brrr. Got back to friends’ where I was staying as fast as I could and added a jumper over the top before I became a Leesicle!

Still forgetting that, though. After over 3 years of not stepping outside without a binder I need to re-evaluate how cold things are… I’m ready for summer again, can’t wait to not be broilling in my binder, and be able to go to a beach!

On top of that, going outside wthout a binder is a good way to give myself heart palpitations. I’ll be walking along happily, and suddenly brain will panic…”I’m not wearing a binder. Shit! Fuck! RED ALERT! RED AL-wait, never mind.”

I can only imagine the look of sudden terror as it flashes across my face before I remember I’m fine πŸ˜€

I’ll tell you what though, the skin around the incisions and grafts is the softest and silkiest it’s been since I was a teensy baby. It gets massagedΒ  with moisturiser every day to help it heal, encourage regrowth of the nerves, etc. When I was wearing the post-surgical binder my back also got the same, to stop it being itchy, so that’s also suuuuper soft.

The best thing about this, though, is that right away, from the day the main dressings were removed, this has been done voluntarily,happily, even eagerly, by my fiance. I was surpsed at that, for a start, cos I was all prepared to be doing it myself, but nope. She enjoys it. She even used to draw pictures in moisturiser on my back before rubbing it in, which was super cute, and fun to try and guess what she was drawing.

The other thing I was surprised by in this was how intimate the act is. It’s little, and it’s simple, but it adds an extra something between us, which is really nice.

Speaking of the lovely fiance – she tells me I now strut when I walk. I could argue that’s just me walking without a hunch to try and hide myself, but sod it, I’ll take a strut πŸ˜€

It’s taken me a while to be able to see properly past the incisions to how this really looks. I can see the incision scarring. I can see stretch marks that used to be on the sides, but are now towards the middle since everything got trimmed and sucked out and moved. I can see when I’m wearing something covering all that, but it’s been hard without a top on, to look past it and see myself. But I’m starting to be able to do that, and it’s pretty amazing :)

Having said that, it’s still surprising me. Like taking a shower – I’m used to having to wash around and under those floppy lumps of fat, but now my chest is flat and it’s not quite sunk in to my autopilot brain yet.

Other news… My parents are back. It took seeing me at my Granny’s funeral and listening to me talk about it when one of my sisters asked some questions, but they’re now not only both talking to me, but calling me by the right name and gender (with the occasional slip-up, which is fine, cos they’re trying and learning), and they’re being supportive. We’re gonna have them over sometime this month, when they’re back off holiday. It’s nice to have parents again.

Lastly, without the cripping dysphoria that made me not want to leave the house, move, work out etc, and helped me go back to eating bdly and being lazy…Im determined to get bck to eating better and exercise. I fought my assoff to get where I am right now, and my body deserves better than I’ve been giving it. So I’m bck up on Nerd Fitness with a challenge to get my lazy ass moving again, and stop eating so much crap. My asthma will appreciate it, as wll my back, as will the rest ofmy body, and my brain.

So in a nutshell, doing well! But hey, if you have any questions about any of this, ask away, happy to talk some more if it helps anyone :)

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