Becoming Me: 2 years on T

It’s 2 years today, since I had my first injection of testosterone. I remember all the hoops and all the hassle it took to get that far, sometimes I despaired of ever getting anywhere, as my dysphoria got worse and worse the more things went wrong.

But here we are, two years down the line. I’m currently on an 11 week cycle of Nebido, which is a fun, viscous fluid that has to be injected into my butt cheek. In case the viscous fluid part didn’t clue you in, let me tell you: that shit stings!

The first few times it’d sting afterwards as well. I’d be walking away and my butt cheek would be singing at me. It doesn’t do that anymore, thankfully, the muscles have gotten the hang of having gloopy stuff forced into them every so often. But about halfway through the injection it still starts to hurt and carries on till it’s done.

I’ve moved between a couple of GP surgeries during this time, and my current one is the hardest to get an appointment at. But, the nurse there is pretty great, she tells me if I can’t get the appointment I need, to ask the receptionist to get a mesage to her and she’ll call me back to arrange a time – which she has followed through on. I just have to remember to get the prescription and take it with me. I forgot once and had to come home, get it, and go back…

A good trick I was taught early on is to just hold the vial in my hand. Warming it up makes it a bit less gloopy, and therefore easier to inject, so I do. I sit there holding my tiny vial of hormones like it’s going to run away if I don’t, and hand it over all warmed up for injecting.

Another weird thing from injection time: for a few days afterwards I have this sharp musty smell. It’s like, hormones go in, body tries to absorb it all, but some of it escapes.

I’ve talked about the changes before, but not for a while, so let’s cover some of them again, 2 years in.

I think my voice is about as deep as it’s going to get. I’m low but not bass-boom low. It’s odd though, because I still retain the habits of speaking with a higher pitch. So I’ll laugh a certain way, or say something, or get excited and my pitch goes way high. But even then, it’s got a low rumble to it. I like my new voice And my new singing voice (though I’m still getting used to the breaks and pitches).

I let myself go a little, put on a bunch of weight. Various reasons, mostly exhaustion, some depression and anxiety, and falling out of good habits and into bad ones. But I’m amused in doing so because I have my Dad’s fat storage now – by which I mean it all heads right for my stomach!

Just like my hair! It’s receded in places to give me my Dad’s hairline. I’m still trying to figure out quite what to do with it when it’s a little longer because it doesn’t style like it used to, thanks to the change. I think it’s settled now though, so that’s cool, I can figure it out.

I have a beard! Which is still weird. It’s a little patchy in places, but I’ve discovered that’s normal for a lot of testosterone-based bodies. But I have one, and it’s a good one. No stache, well, a tiny bit, but nothing major, and it may or may not ever be a thing. I’ve been learning how to beard though. I trim everything above the jawline to about 4mm, then everything beneah to 2mm, and then close shave to a little above my voice box. Then it looks good :) I use beard oil too, to keep it soft – in fact I mostly use Scruff Stuff. It’s an independent UK company, run by one guy called James. There’s a new scent every month, and a subscription, and lots of other beard-help stuff. Super recommend, if you’re looking for beard stuff (and no I get nothing for referring you, I just really like the stuff I get) 😉

That’s about all on that for now. I had top surgery last October, and I’m loving it! No more hiding when I walk down the street. No more hiding from mirrors. Other than a couple of minor issues in the healing, it all went pretty darn smoothly.

The next step is going to be lower surgery. Or rather I should say surgeries, as there will be multiple ones. As mentioned above I did let myself put on a bunch of weight, though. And as they use the BMI what I need to do is drop below a certain weight. So I currently need to lose the pudge, without gaining it back as muscle, which is not easy! My fat likes to melt into muscle. But that’s not a consideration in the BMI (it really is a single-track thing) so…I gotta lose about 40lbs, and then keep it off for the duration of the surgeries. This could get tricky after the first lot of lbs drops off, my workouts and eating habits will need adjusting as I go, in order to keep figuring out what works. But I have support and friends and a tiny facebook group I made of friends all there to help each other out. So hey, I got this, it’ll just take a wee while.

In the meantime, check out my side-by-side: first injection pic and today’s pic:

IMG_20170714_121550Till later, then, take care.